so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
