Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
