Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
