I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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