I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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