soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
