dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
