so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
