omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
