I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
