Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
