and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize