I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
