I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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