I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
