did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
