Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
