Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
