It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it penis luge time yet?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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