So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
