Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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