I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
