1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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