Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
