i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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