we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
