Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
