she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
