dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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