you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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