He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
True college students do jello shots in the library
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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