Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize