bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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