can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
