I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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