i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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