I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
