you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
