I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
