you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
