i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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