You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
