Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
