She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
