i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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