eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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