i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize