Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
