1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
