Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize