I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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