How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
