Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You work out of a Hotel?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
