no, he came in my armpit
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
