Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
