toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
