Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
