I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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