every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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