no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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