i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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