I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
