i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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