She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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