dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
