just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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