can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
