saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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